When is “enough” really enough?

So Thursday was the BIG day… the day I got to talk to the exec and non exec directors of the RSCH board and tell them the story of Max and Isabella. All of this was possible due to someone going above and beyond to try to give my own story a positive outcome, the Compton ward matron – Wendy. I didn’t ask for the meeting myself, she asked for me. She shared my first blog with various people, and is determined that my story won’t be repeated for any other mums to be coming to the Compton ward. Having someone prepared to go so far to make a difference for you is a very humbling experience.

Back to the meeting.. I was expecting maybe 4 or 5 people, turned out to be nearly 25- although I was counting through eyes filled with tears, I didn’t even get my first sentence out before I was being passed tissues and water. It looked to me like most of the board was there, including the CEO, Director of Finance, COO, Chief Nurse, Chair and Deputy Chair. The chair said that they had all received a link to my blog and many had read it – which took me aback, that people at this level had taken the time to.

Another lovely  lady Jacqui (who I think was Director of Midwifery and Divisional Head of Nursing for Women and Children), introduced me to the room and simply asked me to tell everyone what happened. I tried my best, but it was all out of chronological order, I wanted to get the main points across and then move to other bits I thought were important too, that I would get round to if I had time. I told them how I had gone in bleeding, and five days later, my beautiful little girl was born sleeping. I did notice a few people tearing up as I told them the details (male & female).. which made me feel bad, but also made me feel more confident that my story was hitting home.

Jacqui then asked me what they need to do differently, so I tried to list things:

• Quicker access to drugs that a patients needs when just having given birth
• Having the right equipment on the ward
• Not shoving a form in someone’s face with funeral options two minutes after giving birth, which was worded horrendously 
• Not saying “the pregnancy has come away”… but instead “your baby has been born sleeping”
• Having the possibility to have a detailed scan in a proper until over a weekend
• Not keeping the sleeping baby in the cupboard next to you for eight hours until someone knows where to take it
• Having staff properly trained in how to dealing with mums who are miscarrying – suggesting that they each do a shift on the maternity ward, and a midwife visiting the pregnant lady on Compton ward at least once a day

And my ultimate point, the one I am really passionate about and memory of will be with me to my dying day, no woman should ever have to give birth on a ward behind a curtain.

When I had finished the Wendy talked about some of the improvements they had already made, or are making, on the ward to address my points. They have already bought a plug in light so no one can walk off with it! Having a proper gynae kit on the ward. Having the SANDS forms available to give grieving parents so they know extra help they can get. Investing in more people trained in specific baby loss bereavement counselling. They are addressing the form that will be used on the ward, and took into account the need to wait to give it to the patient. They are looking at the training package for staff to make sure they are better equipped  to deal with situations like mine. The BIG one was, having a side room that is dedicated to pregnant ladies that come in with complications pre 14 weeks (after which point they go to the maternity ward).

Slight diversion here…just before going into the meeting, Wendy and I talked about the room, and I was allowed to choose the paint colour! We had been emailing before as well, and they are using two images of forget me nots on the wall, one being very similar to the heart shaped forget me nots we used on Max’s order of service (I had sent her it as an example). I also gave Wendy an “in loving memory” book I had bought for the room, and the first entry was a note about Isabella, so that it might help other mums to write something.

The room was then asked if there were any questions for me. The FD said “are we doing enough?” , I said yes, then he asked again “really, are we really doing enough?”. I said it means so much to me that changes are already happening, and that I know finances in hospitals are ridiculously stretched, but that it is really really important that no one goes through this again, invest in the right training and infrastructure. He said cost shouldn’t be an issue, so will be interesting to see what happens over the coming months! But ultimately, in relation to the title of this blog, I do feel overwhelmed and proud of the changes they are making, it doesn’t take back anything that happened to me, but it will make it slightly less horrific for women that come in and loss a baby on that ward.

Another gentleman then asked if I would be interested in becoming a patient advocate at the hospital, I said yes of course – although at that point wasn’t sure what it would entail! With that I was thanked AGAIN for coming in, and I said I was very grateful for being invited in.

After the meeting Jacqui, Wendy and I went for a drink (hot chocolate, although I could have done with a gin!!). Jacqui explained that they are looking into a shared services scheme with two other hospitals to make sure mums to be can be scanned properly over the weekend. Jacqui also asked if I would like to come in next time SANDs visit the hospital to train, so I can tell my story to the Drs that are attending, which I of course would love to do. She also explained more about being a patient advocate, and we agreed, I should make sure I stick to women’s health, as this is where my passion lies.

So that was my Thursday. Once again, a long blog, but it felt like the end of a chapter. I am just not sure what my next chapter will be… all I know is I could do with it not being so sad.

Oh and one last thing.. they want to call it the Rebecca Room….