This year has been shit for me. That’s a fact, no one can argue with me on that. Losing one baby is tough, but losing two in such a short space of time is just effing unfair. My CBT counsellor said to me she didn’t want me to pin all hopes at the clock striking midnight on NYE and me feeling heaps better, because it’s no longer 2018 – the year I lost two beautiful babies, she said all I would think instead is “last year I lost…”. It’s a good point, I don’t know why I was kidding myself I would feel much better just because of a digit change in year.

I’ve been reflecting a lot on what I should be grateful for. And very near the top of the list is the group of amazing women I am lucky enough to call my best girl friends – which many women are now starting to refer to as their tribe.

My particular tribe are some of the strongest women I have ever encountered, and I want to talk about why they are so strong, many of them having faced true trauma. Most of them I met at college – but one I have had the fortune to be in my life since the day I was born. My sister and best friend. She is my rock, and has been through so much. She sadly suffered an ectopic pregnancy and lost one of her tubes shortly before Dylan was born. It must have been horrendous to see me heavily pregnant (I know how I feel seeing pregnant women now) – but she never stopped wanting to be near me, and was there in the hospital day two to meet Dylan. She now has a wonderful son and I know him and Dylan will grow up as close as brothers.

One of my tribe has battled cancer – and WON! She amazed me, and still does, with her positivity. She wrote blogs throughout her fight – https://bootybeastgreenwood.blogspot.com – which is what inspired me to blog about how I have felt these last few months. Her blogs are so powerful, so raw – I cry almost every time I read one – and if not sad tears, its happy tears that she tackled The Big C head on and bloody smashed it.

We both agree that writing about it is good for the soul, and also important so that people don’t feel alone. A few lovely female friends and colleagues who have sadly lost babies have messaged me and said that my blog has helped them – which truly means the world to me.

Another member of my tribe has had a recent cancer scare – and again tackled it, didn’t let her bring it down, and continued to be an amazing mum, a student and superstar at work (as well as having a hot new boyfriend) – I am in awe of her.

One final tribe member I often think about when trying to gather my strength, and remember my blessings, proved how strong she was several years ago. Her first son was born extremely prematurely, spending the first 100 days of his life in hospital. This must have been so harrowing, to bring a living baby into the world, but not instantly be able to hug him. My heart ached for her when it happened, and now I am a mum I am so amazed by how strong she was, how she kept positive and how she made sure her little man had the best care. And what I wonderful chap he has become, always so lovely to Dylan when we visit.

Here’s a few of my tribe…so fantastic that I have them on my wall to see everyday, and remind myself how lucky I am.

I do not necessarily count myself as a feminist –  in fact love a door being held open for me (well actually, wouldn’t mind if the door opener was male or female!) – but I do believe women are stronger together. Stronger caring for each other, and not slating each other. So my advice to you is this:

See your tribe – however far apart you are, make it work, book catch ups in – there is no time like the present!
Support your tribe – sometimes one of your tribe might do something a bit silly, or maybe they are trying to achieve something – whichever it is, make sure you are there for them at the end of the phone and know that you have their back
Celebrate your tribe – when they have successes, don’t be envious, but give them a high-five (virtual if need be)

If you don’t have a tribe – find one! A tribe can start with two, so message me and we will go for coffee or wine, or both!!

That’s me over and out for 2018, will blog again in 2019 after I have had a lovely test involving a camera up my foo on the 14^th January to hopefully give us some more coherent answers. Until then, look after yourselves, and your tribe!!!